Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
