he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The uberlube is also flammable
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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