fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I pour the whiskey from now on
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
