Me too!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
