the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
