there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
