the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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