the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
