Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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