I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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