I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
