So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
