I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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