Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
