Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
