And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
