she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
