What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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