i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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