She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize