just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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