Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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