I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
