I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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