Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
