went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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