i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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