Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
A bitchslap is in order.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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