It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
