Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
