Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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