She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
