help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
