Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
