I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
