i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My cat gives me a boner
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
