goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
