this boner is exhausting
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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