can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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