make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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