On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
