guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
