we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
