Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
