Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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