dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
