go do what you do best...puke behind churches
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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