woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
