Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
