Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
