My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
