Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize