hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
