I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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