the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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