Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
