I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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