I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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