Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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