we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
