just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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