I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
