i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize