I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
